Okay, I promise, I just need to get more of my story out before getting to the fun workouts, delicious meals, and health and wellness tips that helped treat the illness I am about to tell you about.
Have you ever been in a situation, unable to find the words to describe how you’re feeling or even put a finger on why you could be feeling the way you are? Maybe you’ve felt that way for so long that it becomes easier to do nothing at all and to continue to cope horribly in the hope that one day “I’ll be better.” I knew that the way I was feeling was not normal and that I shouldn’t feel the way I did. I knew I should have sought help sooner but I have a major distrust in our health care system (for good reason) and did not feel comfortable seeing a doctor that I hadn’t developed a relationship with, or who didn’t know my history. The idea of finding a doctor – of describing the multitude of symptoms I was suffering from – literally paralyzed me. I was so afraid that they would think I was making things up or that I was some sort of hypochondriac. The long list of symptoms I was suffering from made me wonder if I was going nuts and I knew most doctors would likely think the same. That’s the problem these days…conventional doctors don’t consider any outside factors such as your environment, activity level, and what you’re putting in your body. So, for a while, it was easier to do nothing. Suffering daily was somehow easier than asking for help.
“People understand trauma, people understand cancer, there are certain things people get and they know to be supportive and they understand…this is one of those things that’s sort of taboo, they think you’re crazy.” – Moldy
My husband and I moved into a house in August of 2015. I was an online student and I was working from home as a paralegal. I also did at home workouts, so I basically only left the house to run errands and that was not very often. My health began to deteriorate in November of 2015 I knew something was off but I couldn’t quite put my finger on it. My symptoms started with cognitive issues which was very alarming. I would read a paragraph in my textbook and not remember what I was reading seconds after. If there was a homework question, I would read the question, and immediately forget what it was and be unable to answer. When in conversation, I would forget what I was going to say and would often word search (struggling to find the right words when speaking). None of this was normal for me, but I attributed it to stress, being busy, or not getting out of the house enough. I couldn’t tell you what I ate that day for breakfast, where I put my keys or my wallet, or what I was doing an hour prior. My memory was like Dory’s on Finding Nemo (at least it felt like it). What I was dealing with was not normal and having cognitive issues at 24 is never normal. When I couldn’t remember what I was doing, saying, or reading, this would cause severe agitation which I had never had and I didn’t know how to cope with it. I yelled, screamed, and cried almost daily. My ability to cope was nearly nonexistent – a pissed off 2-year-old probably had better coping abilities. What took one student an hour to complete, took me at least 3 hours and when I was finished, I still didn’t know what the hell I did. Somehow, by the grace of God, I got a 4.0.
Mental breakdowns became a daily occurrence. I was filled with this rage and irritability I had never experienced and it was out of my control. My brain was not working properly. A simple homework problem would send me into a panic.
In February 2016, I began to develop this rash all over my body. I was literally covered from head to toe in tiny itchy bumps. Within the same week, one of our dogs developed a similar rash. Thinking it was completely unrelated to any of the other unexplained symptoms I had, I went to the doctor to get relief from the rash as it was causing severe itching. The doctors had no idea what it was from (shocker) and sent me out the door with medication to help with the itching. A week went by and the rash didn’t clear up so I went to see another doctor and got the same results. This is when I was starting to get really curious about the underlying cause. I had not introduced any new foods, body products, or laundry soaps. I had literally changed nothing in the most recent months that I could attribute to the rash.
One day, after yet another mental breakdown I asked myself, “What the hell is going on? Why is this happening to me?” I knew there was something that had changed that had to have been the cause of the onset of my symptoms. You know that gut instinct? Those soul hits? Some call it intuition…Shortly after asking myself why this was happening, I felt pulled to get on Facebook. (sounds fucking weird, I know.) As I was scrolling through my feed I came across a post by Dave Asprey (this guy is a total game changer btw) that was related to mold sickness and its symptoms. I clicked on the link, began reading, and with each sentence, my jaw dropped. I nearly had every single symptom that was listed…and then I probably cried again.
When you’re in it, you can hardly find the words to describe it, and in hindsight, because my brain was not functioning properly at the time when I try to reflect on that period, it is difficult to find the right words. It’s almost as if I am looking back through a rearview mirror but my back window is iced over and all I can see is the outline of objects. It was like I was living in this horrible foggy nightmare. The only way out of the hell I was living was to keep pushing forward.
I began researching mold sickness and treatment options. I found a doctor in our area who specializes in mold related illness. My first appointment with her was extremely thorough, something you don’t get at a conventional doctor’s visit. She asked about a hundred questions, went through my symptoms, went through my history all the way back to my childhood, performed some testing and sent me off for a ton of lab work at the hospital. YAY needles.
This was the moment of truth. Never in my life have I prayed to have an illness, but you bet your ass I was praying that the lab results came back positive. Not because I wanted to be sick, but I wanted answers. I wanted there to be something tangible that told me that what I was experiencing was real. Because honestly, nothing felt real at that point in time. I wanted to know that I wasn’t simply losing my mind and health. I didn’t want to keep searching for the cause of my problems or masking the 20 symptoms I was dealing with, rather, I wanted to know what it was and take the proper approach to healing.
Because my symptoms were consistent with the multiple symptoms of chronic inflammatory response syndrome (CIRS) and I was at high risk of exposure, we began treatment with the Shoemaker protocol immediately which you can read about here.
A couple of weeks went by as I waited to hear from my provider. When I saw her phone number pop up on my phone my stomach dropped. I didn’t want to feel the way I did any longer, and I wanted so badly to find answers. My lab results came back positive for having the inflammatory markers of chronic inflammatory response syndrome (CIRS). It was at this point that I knew there was hope. Although I will forever be at risk of becoming very ill if exposed to mold, at least I knew the cause and could continue the process of healing.
Because of my illness, I lost my job, my health, my mind, and our home. I didn’t have much more to lose. I had officially hit rock bottom. Something about hitting rock bottom is so beautiful and tragic all at the same time. Sometimes I don’t think you realize the beauty of tragedy until you take some time to reflect and connect the all the dots. There is always a silver lining. (This experience brought me so much closer to my body. It is what got me so interested in health, wellness, and fitness.) I spent more time than I would have liked being angry and bitter towards my situation. I was planning a wedding, trying to move into a new house, find a good job, and get my mind and body healthy before I said, “I do”. I ended up taking the summer off to plan my wedding and regain my health.
For a lot of the time, I felt like I was barely functioning. I was chronically fatigued and had insane brain fog. Halfway through a sentence, I would lose my train of thought. My brain would search for words that never came to me. If I couldn’t solve a problem or find the words my mind’s first reaction was irritability and rage because part of me knew what I wanted to say or do, but my brain wasn’t making the connection.
“The amygdala, when damaged, can create rage.” – Moldy
I’m pretty sure my fiancé at the time (now husband) was questioning whether or not he should marry me. It was difficult for him to understand why I was acting the way I was. (Only a percentage of the population will become ill from mold, and he is one of them who does not). Unless you’re experiencing it or have experienced it in the past, it’s difficult to understand how something like mold could cause so many issues.
While I was sick and treating I was still working out from home. I would push myself through 25 minutes of hell, gasping for air and fighting the feeling of fainting. Something about finishing a short workout each day was therapeutic even though it sometimes felt like torture. I knew if I worked out each day, I would help my body get rid of the toxins. It was one thing I could do in addition to a healthy diet to help in my treatment.
Treatment was extremely rough. It is essentially a massive detox. I experienced a herxheimer reaction which is a reaction to detoxing which can mimic the symptoms I was already dealing with and can sometimes be worse than the disease symptoms themselves. As you can imagine I was pretty sick the first few weeks. I had massive headaches, muscle and joint pain, body aches, sweating, chills, nausea, and fatigue so severe I would fall asleep working on my couch (keep in mind I am not a napper so to fall asleep while working is pretty crazy). The detox protocol consists of drinking living bentonite clay, magnesium, and Cholestyramine and taking that with activated charcoal. I had to drink this 3-4 times a day for a few months. Within weeks I was having a little more clarity and I knew I was on the right track. My body was extremely inflamed and the detox can rid your body of nutrients you need so I also had to take a pharmaceutical grade fish oil and multi-vitamin.
I was intrigued by this mold sickness and I was eager to learn more so I purchased Dave Asprey’s movie, Moldy. I remember sitting on my couch in tears while I watched. Listening to others tell their story really hit home. I no longer felt alone and misunderstood. I have never met anyone that knew they were ill from mold exposure, so for someone to describe exactly how I was feeling made me feel a little less alone (I am sure there are tons of people out there that don’t have a clue and I hope they find the answers!). I was also probably crying out of fear because some of the facts scared the shit out of me and I felt like I was doomed for life.
“45 million people in the US are living or working in a moldy building. Mold spores occur naturally and make toxins that can change how you think, how you feel, and how long you’ll live.” – Moldy
So how does mold make someone sick? Mold releases mycotoxins that are poisons and chemicals that you cannot kill. No, bleach does not kill mold. Mycotoxins are what cause problems and symptoms.
Mold symptoms are odd. You’ll get a few symptoms here and there and over time the list will grow until you get about 20. That’s what happened to me and it is what prompted me to finally find a doctor. My symptoms were lengthy and included fatigue, weakness, headache, unusual pain, ice pick pain, vertigo, tremors, focus/concentration issues, word recollection issues, decreased assimilation of new knowledge, memory issues, confusion, disorientation, blurred vision, red eyes, light sensitivity, tearing, muscle cramps, aches, joint pain, pain in feet, abdominal pain, bloating, difficulty when exercising, increased urination, excessive thirst, temperature regulation, sweats, skin sensitivity, rash, mood swings, appetite swings, anxiety, cough, shortness of breath, and sinus congestion. Seems unreal, right? I was almost certain I would keel over and die at any moment. At one point I was convinced I was living out the last days of my life.
So you might ask, why on earth am I sharing this information and story? Well to start with, it’s a part of my health and fitness journey, it may help someone else out there, and to be honest, it is really healing for me to write about my experiences. AND if 45 million people in the US live or work in molding buildings, and 25% of the population are at risk of becoming sick from mold, how many people are already sick from mold and don’t even know that mold is the cause? The problem is people go to conventional doctors with a list of 20 symptoms. The doctor probably tells them they should see a therapist (because they sound CRAY) and maybe prescribes a few drugs to mask a few of the symptoms and never equates any of the symptoms to the possibility of mold. If you feel like someone is off or wrong, you’re probably right. Trust your intuition and find a doctor who will take a whole health approach and listen to you to gain a full understanding of your health problems. You’ve got to become your own advocate and take your health into your own hands.
Weight gain is another common symptom and I had gained approximately 10 lbs that I knew of. I looked in the mirror and didn’t recognize the girl looking back. My skin looked unhealthy, my body didn’t feel good, and I was generally unhappy. I hadn’t changed my diet or my workout plan so the weight gain had me flustered. As soon as I started treating the weight began to drop off rather quickly. I started treating in March of 2016 and by July of 2016, I had lost 16 lbs. It was hard not to get caught up in old habits like restricting and over exercising to lose the weight but I stayed focused on making small changes daily and had to remind myself that I need to fuel my body in order to continue making progress in my treatment. Because the detox protocol rids your body of the nutrients it needs I had to be mindful of what I was putting in my body to ensure I was getting adequate nutrition.
You might be wondering where the mold was in my home or why didn’t I notice it sooner. It literally came out of nowhere within maybe a week. I was doing my routine cleaning and went to clean the windows and noticed a patch of mold growing on the old wood window panes. 
Concerned, I checked the other windows and to my surprise, they were covered. I slightly panicked and starting checking everywhere. I had this gut instinct to pull my bed back from the wall it was closest to and when I found mold growing on (and in) my new Tempurpedic bed I lost my shit. Literally freaking lost it in front of my husband’s friends, our neighbors, and anyone else strolling by our house. I ran outside, screamed and cried. I felt so violated and disgusting. I literally couldn’t even hardly go back into that house. If I would have had a 5-gallon jug of gasoline and a match I probably would have lit it on fire. (JK lol) I had been sleeping on a moldy bed for God only knows how long. When we moved out a few days later we noticed a previous water damage line from some flooding that occurred in the basement. There was some hidden mold in a basement closet and the carpets were likely full of mycotoxins. I can’t even imagine what was behind the walls and underneath the flooring. Long story short, we found out that the house had previously had significant flooding in the basement before we moved in which was likely the cause of the mold.
The beautiful thing about this illness is that if you do the right things you can heal. I was not stuck being sick. As part of my healing process, I had to make some changes to my diet. I began including more eggs, greens, and veggies (mold hates that shit). I significantly reduced the amount of sugar and grains I was eating. I began tracking everything I ate to ensure I was getting what I needed in terms of nutrients and calories.
“When the body is healthy and robust the mind is clear, the spirit shines. As we start taking arrows, whether it be mold or some other chemical toxins, and the body starts collapsing in on itself, it doesn’t have enough to use to get through its day to day and it can’t combust enough to generate that light so that your spirit is healthy and intact.” -Dr. Pedram Shojai (Moldy)
My body was unhealthy, my mind was not clear, and my spirit was far from shining. As I sit here and write this, my health has taken a complete 180-degree turn and I am the healthiest I have been MY ENTIRE LIFE. I am in the best shape I’ve been in my entire life and my mind is clear and my spirit shines. This entire experience gave me a clean slate to start over with. It feels like a second chance. A chance to treat my body as a temple. To nourish it with healthy foods. To take care of my body and mind through fitness, meditation, reading, and writing. It also helped me realize that maybe I was climbing the wrong ladder in terms of my career. Looking back I am glad I lost my job as a paralegal. I was unhappy doing the work I was doing. It was supposed to feel empowering helping people with their legal problems, but it seemed like we weren’t able to help very often when it came down to what really mattered. Sure, we could put some money in their pocket, but that doesn’t bring back the other things they lost. I was working for a medical malpractice firm and let’s face it, there are some things you simply can’t fix as an attorney or paralegal…like the health of your clients or the loss of a loved one. I was really great at what I did, and I wanted to go to law school at one point. I knew I would be a hell of a lawyer, but the passion just wasn’t there.
When I first watched the film Moldy, I was still very sick. I watched it again a few weeks ago and something Dr. Pedram Shojai said stuck with me. It was one of those ah-ha moments.
“People who have major problems with their health have something very valuable on the other side which in spirituality is called gnosis. It’s an understanding of who you are fundamentally. You can turn this modality into a gift because you become so hyper aware and sensitive to your environment, to the foods you eat, to your interactions with people… so you have to develop these senses to become more hyper aware. The lack of awareness is the modality that’s really affecting our society. So, a lot of times on a spirit level, the lesson we learn from something like this really turn us around and liberates us so that when we become more conscious and aware we then have the capacity to take that into other facets of life. This challenge has put them through a furnace and on the other side they are fully cooked and an enlightened human on a lot of levels they are spiritually lighter. It’s a gift and they see it as such.”
-Dr. Pedram Shojai
That right there hits me right in the heart. There is so much truth to that one paragraph. I can truly look back and see my illness as a gift. A true blessing that set me on the right path. I learned so many lessons. I learned that the human body is stronger and more resilient than I ever imagined. I learned that nothing is permanent: illness, life, a home, a job, health, etc. At the snap of a finger, it can all be taken away. I learned that the things that really matter in life are not material. I learned that we’re all put on this earth for a purpose and I think part of life is riding the waves to find that purpose and the rest is putting that purpose to use. I learned that the human body is sacred and should be treated with respect and grace through all stages. I learned that when faced with tragedy you can either go through it or grow through it. I learned that ultimately what matters in life is happiness and love. Really, what is the point of ANYTHING in life if you’re not happy and you can’t love and be loved in return?
I am thankful I was so sick because now I am the healthiest I’ve been my whole life. I am thankful that I lost my job because now I own my own company and love what I do and have BIG goals for my future. I am happy I lost my home because now we have a much better one that suits our needs. I am happy that I lost my mind because I’ve never felt so much clarity in my life.
We get grace. God gets glory. 1 Peter 5:12
XOXO,
Samantha
Sources: Buckley, Kee Kee and Eric Troyer, directors. Moldy. Dave Asprey, moldymovie.com.
Trained by Life 